Pick Up Lines
by AliceUchihaHerondale15
Summary: Jace, Simon and Magnus are bored and browsing the net...well Jace is. and they stumble upon a site of...pick up lines? What follows is pure entertainment.
1. Chapter 1

**Here's my first Shadowhunter fic. This actually came to my mind quite randomly while i was bored and looking up some pick up lines...don't even ask why I was searching for one in the first place because I really have no idea. And i would like to thank my dearest cousin (Sweetpsychoness) for snapshotting and giving me these lines, thanks love. Now i'll stop rambling and just let you read it!**

 ** _Reviews please :)  
_**

It was a cold winter morning, of course seeing as the month was January and Magnus reaaaally wanted to have some 'Alec company' so he could be in bed all day cuddling with his honeybear, simply talking to him, among other things… ah those were nice thoughts, after all they hadn't had enough private time lately what with his shadowhunter business and would only be free tomorrow. To further increase his dull mood he was stuck with Jace and Simon who were lazying around in his apartment as they had nothing better to do, seeing as their girlfriends were out shopping.

Sighing he poured himself a cup of cappuccino and sat down on the couch.

"Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you , everyone else disappears!"said Jace suddenly looking at Magnus.

"Wooow thanks Jace, you know I wont deny, you ARE good looking yourself not to mention quite charming but I love your brother,also your parabatai, very very VERY much! Not even a marriage proposal from David Beckhem, who by the way is the epitome of sexy, can make me leave my cutie-patooti!" declared Magnus.

Jace and Simon were staring at him with their jaws hanging.

Finally clearing his throat Jace spoke " First of all eww, I'll pretend I did not just hear you call Alec …t-tha-that whatever! And second thanks I know I am rather good looking. And third I was not flirting with you! I was searching some pick up lines when I found these. I was merely trying them! Sorry buddy but I don't swing that way.

"Wait!... why were you searching for pick up lines anyway? I thought you were a born flirt? Wait wait wait! Why do you even need them! Clary's already your girlfriend! Are you cheating on her!?" questioned Simon.

"Wow easy their vamp. One question at a time. I was merely bored so I thought of searching in the internet to see how mundane flirt, you know I don't have much experience since all it takes is one smile from me and girls melt and no I am not cheating on Clary, I would never do that!" replied Jace.

"Okay okay we get it!" said Magnus.

"I was thinking maybe I could try some of these on Clary… because well we did'nt do much 'courting' I suppose." Came Jace'e reply.

"Now that you say it. That's actually a great idea!"agreed Magnus.

"Yea! Who knew Jace was a beauty with brains!" joked Simon.

" _Are you a camera? Because whenever I look at you I smile!_ Ooooo I can't wait to try these on Alec!" said Magnus

"Why don't we create paper bits and each one picks up seven paper bits and whatever comes out they have to use it on their respective girlfriends…" Said Simon

"Ahem"

"…and boyfriend."

"Agreed" said Jace and Magnus simultaneously.

 _This is going to be fun._

 **Thank You All for reading. I really hope you liked it . The next chapter up will be on _CLACE_. So stay updated! **


	2. Clace

CLACE

 **Pick up line attempt - 1**

Jace and Clary were lazying on the couch. Jace's head on Clary's lap while Clary was looking at her favourite magazine. Suddenly Jace spoke-

"You know if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT" he said pecking her cheek.

"T-Thank Y-You" she said shyly.

 **Pick up line attempt – 2**

"Clary your body is 75% water…"

"Yes Jace I know. We studied that in 4th gra-"

"…And I'm thirsty."

"…"

 _Ah there's the blush I adore._

 **Pick up line attempt -3**

They were having their monthly medical checkup.

"Hey Clary I think there is something wrong with my eyes."

"What? Jace you should have said something sooner! It could be serious! What happened anyway!?" Clary asked with a panicked expression.

"…well I _can't take my eyes off you_ " said a smirking Jace.

Clary blushed ten shades of red.

 **Pick up line attempt – 4**

Jace found Clary painting in her bedroom.

"What are you painting?"

"Nothing just the scenery outside."

"You know…. even if a thousand painters worked for a thousand years , they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.

Instant blush.

 _God if he keeps this up I might faint from all the blood rush._

 **Pick up line attempt – 5**

They were out shopping. Clary was making Jace try on different clothes.

Finally after two hours they exited the shop with their shopping bags.

"Hey Clary?"

"Hm?"

"Do you know what this shirt is made of?"

"Linen?"

"No, boyfriend material."

This time she groaned.

 **Pick up line attempt – 6**

They were out for dinner. In the middle of which Jace declared –

"I am bigger and better than Titanic – only 200 women went down that vessel." He smirked and winked.

Clary choked.

"I really hope your statement is not... _entirely true._ "

 **Pick up line attempt - 7**

Clary was running down the halls of the institute when-

"Hey Clary!"

"Oh hey Jace, sorry but I can't talk right now. Gotta go Izzy's waiting for me and I-"

"Ok-ok I get it but at least tie up your laces properly."

"Oh! Thanks!" she smiled brightly looking down at her loosely tied up shoes.

"No need honey…I just don't want you falling for someone else." He replied, kissed her forehead, and went the other direction.

 **Okay... so that was the Clace chapter. My favourite was the pick up line 7. Yours? Lemme know. I am not sure if this chapter was up to the mark...If it was, then thank you and if not I promise the upcoming ones will be. Next up will be Sizzy.  
**

 **So please review :)**


	3. Sizzy

**SIZZY**

 **Pick up line attempt – 1**

"Si just spit it out already!"

"W-What.."

"Oh please anyone with half a brain can see that you have been trying to force some words out of your mouth…and I have been patiently waiting for half an hour already…so will you _please_ spit it out already!" said Izzy exasperatedly.

"Oh er.. well ..uh MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE DIARREAH AND I JUST CAN'T HOLD IT IN!"

"…"

"…"

"Simon"

"Yeah?"

"I give you 10 secs to get the hell out of here." She said in a dangerously calm voice.

And he was gone before she even started counting.

 **Pick up line attempt –** **2**

Simon saw Isabelle practicing and went to sit in a nearby chair waiting for her to finish.

After a while –

"Hey Simon! You wanted something?"

"What? A guy can't come meet her girlfriend?" Simon chukled nervously.

She only gave him a pointed look.

" W-Well I-I just wanted to ..u-um s-say th…u-um t-tha-that that …can i punch you in the face...?"

*blink * *blink* *blink*

"u-uh w-with my lips of course…" he finished weakly.

She simply kissed him.

 **Pick up line attempt – 3**

Simon entered Izzy's room and saw her helping Max read a shadowhunter book.

"-and this is a matid demon. Hey Si!"

"Hey, wow that's the book you kids grow up reading? I remember we had to read poems like _London Bridge Is Falling Down._ " he chuckled which was met with a blank look "Right sorry. But... I'll tell you something. The letter X scares me..."he whispered softly.

"Why?"

"Because I never wanna be yours." He pecked her lips and she immediately melted at that with an 'awww'.

"Gross! M gunna puke!" Max ran out of the room.

 **Pick Up Line Attempt – 4**

Isabelle was trying some of her old clothes and performing a ramp for Simon. She was wearing a black bodycon dress that showed a little skin on both sides near the waist.

"Woow…Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?" he said mesmerized.

A red hue spread on her cheeks, and whispered seductively " I am not sure what I do for a living, but I sure can tell you my hobby." And she pulled him in.

 **Pick Up Line Attempt – 5**

It was one of the odd days when Isabelle was resting in the institute, having no work, and no one to give company. And her company that happened to be her boyfriend Simon was late she sat on the couch reading a magazine. Just then the door to her room opened-

"Sorry I am late. The information collection-"

"hm?"

He went and sat down next to her.

"What are you doing her!? The gods must be frantic."

She tilted her head in confusion.

"You know? Because one of their angel is missing." he said kissing her cheek.

Giggling she replied, " Half angel"

"You understand the sentiments right."

 **Pick Up Line - 6**

"Hey iz?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear about this one guy and girl who had the most sexual reltionship?"

"Hm? No."

"K lets go to your room. And I'll tell you all about it." Grin.

Giggle. Blush. "Lets go. And you tell me ALL about it." Wink. Pull.

 **Pick Up Line Attempt – 7**

Isabelle entered Simon's room and found him searching the room for something…wearing only a towel.

"Eh …are you looking for something?"

"Yea…I cant seem to find my s-" suddenly he got an idea. " o-oh I was just gonna take a bath. I actually cant find my rubber duckie…sooo you wanna join?" he asked wriggling his eyebrows.

"Oh I would love to." Came her more than happy reply.

"Oh and Simon …if you do have a rubber duckie…DO NOT mention it to Jace…would be good for both you and the duck"

 **Here you have the Sizzy chapter! Thank you so much for reading!My personal fav was Pick Up 1 and 5 was cute. Tell me yours!  
**

 **And the best for last is MALEC!**

 **And Review please! ^_^**


	4. Malec

**Finally! Here you have the Malec chapter! ^_^**

 **MALEC**

 **Pick Up Line – 1**

Alec and Magnus were cuddling in the couch. When Alec saw Chairman meow strutting in the room with his tail and nose high in the air, licking his paw, rolling a little and then curling in a ball, he instantly felt a little jealous. He sighed.

"What's the matter?"

"Hm? Oh nothing, just thinking about how lucky Chairman Meow is, he has a sexy owner, who feeds him, throws him parties and takes him everywhere and what does he have to do in return? Nothing just be his mighty royal self," At that Magnus snorted "he would probably spend all his nine lives with you."

"That's true he probably would, but you know what?"

"What?"

"If I were a cat I would spend all my nine lives with you," he purred "so you can _feed me_ *blush* _bathe me *_ dark blush _* sleep with me *_ darker blush *"

 **Pick Up Line – 2**

Getting out of shower Magnus saw Alec fixing himself in front of the mirror, reading a children's shadowhunter book.

"Uh…Alec where are you going?"

"Hm?" Rolling his eyes "Magnus I told you yesterday, weren't you listening *sigh* I am supposed to make a special guest appearance in the shadowhunter academy and _enlighten the students._ And its making me nervous and I cannot relax, And if I cannot relax I'll make a much bigger mess than I know I am capable of. Oh My God what if they ask me a question and I cannot answer it!? I'll be the laughing stock! "

"Okay Alec deep breathes first. Second is quick questions Who was the first shadowhunter?"

"Jonathan."

"Highest appointed official in the clave?"

"Consul."

"What has 36 teeths and holds back the Incredible Hulk?"

"huh?" confused he tilted his head to the side, making him look more adorable than he already was. _If that's even possible._

"…My zipper"

Alec's face was on fire not a minute later.

 **Pick Up Line – 3**

Today Magnus and Alec were roaming on the streets of Alicante. They came on Clave business. After the mortal war they quickly became recognized by everyone, mostly for the relationship that they shared. And the result of that could be seen when a girl no more than 7 year old came upto them and -

"Are you Magnus Bane!?" She enquired, beaming at Magnus. Her enthusiasm made him chuckle.

"Yes I am the great High Warlock Of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane." He announced majestically to the child enjoying as her eyes widen at him. Alec beside him snorted.

"I have heard about you soo much! How you helped the shadowhunters during the mortal war and how cool you are! And the mention of you in our shadowhunter academy books! Also you look sooo cool. All the glitters and spikes make you quite handsome." She whispered the last part shyly.

Shocked and pleased Magnus took the small girl's hand and gently laid a kiss and charmingly said "Why thank you milady." Making the said girl blush madly and Alec muttering a quite 'showoff'.

Once inside their rooms Alec said "Remember the girl said she read about you in the Academy books?"chuckling he continued "looks like you are going down even in shadowhunter history."

Suddenly Magnus pushed Alec up againt a wall and whispered "I am not sure about history, but I would definitle love going down on _you._ "

 **Pick Up Line – 4**

Alec was over at Magnus's loft since today he had no work. Looking around the newly decorated place (Magnus changed the decorations every week), he opened one of the cabinets, just as Magnus was entering the room.

"Eh..! You have an amazing wine cabinet." Was his exclamation.

"The only amazing wine cabinet here is yours.." Turning Alec towards him, he pressed their bodies together."…that I wanna go inside and pull myself a stiff one." And slowly dipped for a long kiss ignoring Alec's flaming face.

 **Pick Up Line – 5**

Sitting on his bed Alec was playing with his stele, twirling it in his fingers. He had come to the institute for work and had stayed longer than expected. Of course his mother then insisted he stayed the night and he didn't have the heart to refuse her so he did. But now he wished Magnus was here with him, in his room-

"Your wish, my command. Here I am ."

"Huh?" he looked up to see Magnus standing in front of him. Rubbing his eyes "Magnus?"

"The one and only."

"What are you doing here?"

"Me? Oh you see I lost my teddy bear so I was thinking if I could sleep with you tonight?" he asked with an innocent smile.

"Oh ? I didn't know you had a teddy bear." He enquired laying on the bed.

"Yes I do." He answered laying beside him. "he is this tall, dark, handsome teddy. Whose way too shy… but not always and certainly not is… _certain matters._ " He wriggled his eyebrows and said suggestively.

His face heating up and laughed embarrassingly "oh shut up!"

"No really! I could go on and on and on about my teddy."

 **Pick Up Line – 6**

Magnus saw Alec staring out the window and noticed it was getting cloudy.

"Hm?" Hearing Magnus's entry Alec turned around.

"Aha! I found it"

"Found what?"

"The reason!"

"The reason for what?"

"Why the sky is grey!"

"Uh..because its going to rain?"

"No silly, Because all the blue is in your eyes!" he grinned triumphantly.

Blink

Blush

Find a cushion to cover up.

 **Pick Up Line – 7**

Finishing his work Alec turned around from his desk to look at Magnus and saw him writing something.

"What are you writing?"

"Hm? Nothing Just my to do list."

"And what's on your to do list?"

"You." He answered cheekily, watching Alec's face turn into a tomato in a matter of seconds.

 **An extra fluff for all of you great readers! This ones Alec! Why? Cause we all love Alec!**

 **Pick Up Line - 8**

Alec and Magnus were getting ready for one of Magnus's party. Just then-

"Magnus you shouldn't put up the makeup."

"Why?"

"Because it messes with perfection."

 **Aaaaand thats all! Hope you liked it. My fave was Pick Up Line 1,5 and 8(simply because Magnus is perfect!) Tell me your. Please read and review**

 **Oh and good news is that soon i'll be posting a new fic on TMI. No name cause i haven't come up with one. So you'll just have to wait!  
**


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